AWARDS SHOW MANIA: Video Music Awards

Three words:

BEYONCE IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!

WOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not only is this going to completely revolutionize maternity fashion,

but it means a BABY is on its way!

AND I LOVE BABIES!!!!

Also-

Katy Perry just celebrated her 65th birthday,

Nikki Minaj went as a Holographic Harajuku Whore with the Bird flu,

Jessie J showed the world how to make an injury a fashion statement,

Demi Lovato was rocking some seriously rad eye makeup-

and she gave Joe Jonas a hug.

Can't you just hear her thinking,

"THANKS FOR BREAKING UP WITH ME

AND THEN GOING ON TOUR WITH ME

AND THEN BRINGING YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND ON TOUR WITH US,

JERK JONAS.

By the way, I noticed your purity ring is gone!"

Why is he even at the VMA's anyways? Everyone knows Justin Bieber is the new JB!

Speaking of which,

The Biebs showed everyone his snake.

Who he has named Johnson.

HAHAHAHAHAHA that dirty boy...

but lets be real,

WHO CARES?

BEYONCE IS PREGNANT!!! AHHHHHH! BEYONCE IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!

Oh the world is a wonderful place.

<3

Claire

AWARDS SHOW MANIA: GRAMMYS

HAY so I know the Grammy's were a week ago,

but school has been beating me up.

What I love about the Grammy's is how totally strange everyone dresses.

They aren't trying to look red carpet ready, they are trying to attract attention,

and since Lady Gaga stepped onto the scene, things have been even more Buckwild.

Here we go!

Nicki Minaj

it appears that marie antoinette married frankenstein...

and got cast in the Broadway revival of Cats

Ricki Martin

What else would he wear but metallic silver pants?

Shake your bon bon baby.

Cyndi Lauper

aka Draco Malfoy's hooker grandma

Rihanna

so THIS is how one dresses up for Christmas Barbados...

Hayley Williams

proving once and for all that orange and pink do not go together...

how much does she look like one of Cher's cleaning appliances?

Justin Bieber

(in WHITE VELVET)

looks just like an adolescent Colonol Sanders

I want some chicken.

Katy Perry

going full glitterati mermaid:

in a sparkle bra and a shiny table cloth,

and with wings that make it look like she farted a cloud...

It feels like this was created by a 4 year old

Snooki

a toned down, more elegant version of her hair,

classy makeup,

and a sexy dress that still leaves her covered...

I'm impressed!

not crazy about the silly shoulders,

but I'll take what I can get

Selma Blair

Maybe I just love baby bellys,

but this Lanvin dress is beautiful and looks so comfortable

I'm not quite sure why she was at the Grammy's though...

Florence Welch

This is the most beautiful dress of the night.

Handcrafted Givenchy Haute Couture,

it is stunning and different-

just like Ms. Welch herself.

(click HERE for more information on this incredible couture collection)

Now I know you all wanna know my opinion, so here it is:

I'm so over Lady Gaga. Girl, you bore me.

I'm not even going to post a picture of you.

Its like, whatever you crazy costume doll-

Showing up at the awards show in a Land Before Time status egg,

tryna be all innovative...

Honey, its been done.

For anyone who ever watched Nickelodeon's All That

Li'l Embryo and Li'l Fetus were entertaining in incubation 14 years ago

"Yo yo yo yo EMBRYO!"

You want weird and shocking?

Check out THIS South African Group

I apologize for the delay-

THE OSCARS ARE IN A WEEK!!!!

<3

Claire

Further Elaboration on the People's Choice Awards

1) I WANT leighton meester's dress!!!

but her blush is frighteningly garish

2) PIRATE EXCELLENCE

John Christopher Depp III

I wish i could be his best friend...

we could sail the open seas,

run around on his private island,

drink fine wine,

talk about cryptozoology,

pay for everything in solid gold,

watch for the green flash on the horizon (it's a real thing!)

and just engage in general pirate-y pleasures

i know i don't know how to edit a photo

squint a little

Mikaeyla Michalka

(from Phil of the Future!!!)

doing her best to look like a piratey wench

4) DISCONCERTINGLY TAN DISNEY STARS

come ON sharpay. you can do better.\

is it just me or does he look oddly Latino?

She IS latina, so maybe this is a real color?

(if you are confused, yes she did wear two dresses. and yes, this one sucked)

5) THATS SO RAVEN

Honey, just because its your namesake,

doesn't mean you have to dress like a (skanky) bird.

otherwise Moses and Apple Martin are in big trouble.

6) INSANELY HIGH HEELS

the boys escorted Miss Stewart

-who looked very much the vampire (glittertits!) in that very tiny dress-

and her 5 1/2 inch Jimmy Choos

up to accept their award for Favorite Movie.

Also, her normally unkept hair looked DEEEEVINE!

So many people dislike her,

but I have this crazy infatuation with Kristen Stewart.

Be ready for a post on her soon.

Katy Perry's dress was, as Berit said, pure confection,

but those shoes?

6 inches of pure pink toe destruction!

7) PWN

That J.Mendel dress that Miss

I'm-so-very-innocent-but-I-still-manage-to-date-30-year-olds-and-John-Mayer

bored the death out of?

Well, Natalie Portman wore it on the cover of Vogue this month.

And, I must say, she went total black swan

and danced (pregnant!) circles around that little perma-smirker

mmm it took me 6 hours to create this post...

only for you my lovelies!

<3

Claire

People's Choice Awards' Fabs and FAILS

Due to my lack of younger siblings Selena Gomez will never have any real relevance to my life or fashion opinions, but this dress is really cute and youthful on her without aging her.

Even though I hadn't the faintest idea of who Ashley Benson was before I looked her up on Wikipedia, this dress is really fascinating to look at and fits her really well. I'm also happy that she didn't do something foolish like over-accessorize and ruin the effect of the dress. She pulls of the dying fad of one-sleeved dresses nicely.

Katy Perry's face says it all, which is, "LOL THANKS BETSEY JOHNSON FOR MAKING ME A FAIRY PRINCESS!!!!!!1!!" All she needs is a wand that blows bubbles and the look is complete. I LOVE IT (And hey, at least she's not wearing fruit!).

Although Lyndsy Fonesca's look would probably have been better as a whole if it had been styled to look more formal and red carpet-y, this dress is suuuuper classy- and how cool are the feather details?

How does one keep one's cooter concealed when wearing a dress this short? Kristen Stewart could have left an inch or two on the hem and it still would have looked edgy and fitting for her style.

Taylor Swift decided to WOW us with a shocking new foray into fashion... oh wait. Never mind. She's wearing a flow-y, flesh-y toned dress, AGAIN. As if having only one facial expression wasn't boring enough.

Kate Walsh has been receiving a lot of praise for this look on the interwebs (notice the shoes, plz, pointy-toed heels are making a comeback), but her dress has kind of a Forever21-y vibe, don't you think? I'm not a huge fan of dresses with lots of tucking and draping like that.

Natalie Portman is looking SO cute in this baby bump-concealing dress, and at the risk of sounding as if I know her, this is totally something she would wear. And the shoes add a nice little pop as well!

It's funny how some celebrities choose to conceal their prego bellies and others... well...

Tee Hee!

Hmm did I miss any gems?

-B

VMA's

Ok, so I didn't actually watch them- but I don't even have access to a television!

However, I have been browsing videos and pictures online and here are a few of my thoughts:

First of all, Taylor Swift-

you stopped making good songs a while ago,

being barefoot on stage seems dangerous,

and you revel in your innocence a little too much.

I get that you are a role model,

but girl get over it, you are 20.

Being classy and being lame are two different things

As for you Kanye-

your music is awesome...

so I guess I have to just let you keep existing.

Katy Perry-

for a while you just annoyed me,

but while you sound like you are throwing up when you sing,

your songs continue to be fun and catchy,

and you have stopped trying to look like Betty Boop on acid

I LOVED:

your hair

(just like mine!)

DELIGHTFUL eyebrows

nails

(with Russel Brands face on them!)

and your titty tattoo dress

(like Berit's prom dress- round 1- gone skanktastic!)

however the shoes were a meh.

very homecoming of '06.

oh... you too Alice- I mean Ashley Green

Lady Gaga-

Your arrival dress was breathtaking.

Alexander McQueen, plus the beautiful makeup...

You for once didn't look like you were trying to hide,

you were gracious, fun, genuine,

"They asked me to cut so much out,

but I refused because we were BORN THIS WAY BABY!"

and I loved that you were bringing attention

-through your escorts-

to soldiers who were discharged from service for being gay.

But then you wore meat,

and became irrelevant to me once again.

There is no point to 90% of the things you do.

Especially next to Cher,

who is way more talented.

Speaking of which-

HOLY CANOLI

she looks great for a 60 year old!

Justin Timberlake-

Dude, sucks for you.

Tonight was supposed to be a comeback of sorts,

and you showed up in the exact same outfit as JB.

(apparently so did Usher...)

Sorry dude.

you just got upstaged some 16 year old Youtube star.

Looks like you ain't the only Justin in town anymore.

As for Justin Beiber-

What a little playa!

And lucky for me, he is losing that baby face little by little-

pretty soon it won't be creepy for me to crush on him anymore!

Ke$ha-

your dress was made out of garbage bags?

wasn't it sweaty?

you didn't win anything- wanna know why?

because you are just stupid drunk slut.

If you are gonna rock the black mini,

do it like Emma Stone

I'd do her.

As for a few of my favorite fashions of the night:

Miranda Cosgrove,

who I actually really dislike,

wore the most EXQUISITE little blue thing!

Haley Williams of Paramore

wore such a CUTE Miu Miu number

Ciara looked suuuper sexy in this Givenchy creation,

I just wish she had passed on the moon shoes.

And,

best of all,

was Florence of Florence and the Machine-

figure flattering,

gorgeous on her skin and hair,

beautifully constructed and just the perfect about of odd (zip up?)

oh, and

Snooki-

your dress belongs in a landfill,

but I WANT YOUR SHOES

k well,

I should go study

<3

Claire