VMA's

Ok, so I didn't actually watch them- but I don't even have access to a television!

However, I have been browsing videos and pictures online and here are a few of my thoughts:

First of all, Taylor Swift-

you stopped making good songs a while ago,

being barefoot on stage seems dangerous,

and you revel in your innocence a little too much.

I get that you are a role model,

but girl get over it, you are 20.

Being classy and being lame are two different things

As for you Kanye-

your music is awesome...

so I guess I have to just let you keep existing.

Katy Perry-

for a while you just annoyed me,

but while you sound like you are throwing up when you sing,

your songs continue to be fun and catchy,

and you have stopped trying to look like Betty Boop on acid

I LOVED:

your hair

(just like mine!)

DELIGHTFUL eyebrows

nails

(with Russel Brands face on them!)

and your titty tattoo dress

(like Berit's prom dress- round 1- gone skanktastic!)

however the shoes were a meh.

very homecoming of '06.

oh... you too Alice- I mean Ashley Green

Lady Gaga-

Your arrival dress was breathtaking.

Alexander McQueen, plus the beautiful makeup...

You for once didn't look like you were trying to hide,

you were gracious, fun, genuine,

"They asked me to cut so much out,

but I refused because we were BORN THIS WAY BABY!"

and I loved that you were bringing attention

-through your escorts-

to soldiers who were discharged from service for being gay.

But then you wore meat,

and became irrelevant to me once again.

There is no point to 90% of the things you do.

Especially next to Cher,

who is way more talented.

Speaking of which-

HOLY CANOLI

she looks great for a 60 year old!

Justin Timberlake-

Dude, sucks for you.

Tonight was supposed to be a comeback of sorts,

and you showed up in the exact same outfit as JB.

(apparently so did Usher...)

Sorry dude.

you just got upstaged some 16 year old Youtube star.

Looks like you ain't the only Justin in town anymore.

As for Justin Beiber-

What a little playa!

And lucky for me, he is losing that baby face little by little-

pretty soon it won't be creepy for me to crush on him anymore!

Ke$ha-

your dress was made out of garbage bags?

wasn't it sweaty?

you didn't win anything- wanna know why?

because you are just stupid drunk slut.

If you are gonna rock the black mini,

do it like Emma Stone

I'd do her.

As for a few of my favorite fashions of the night:

Miranda Cosgrove,

who I actually really dislike,

wore the most EXQUISITE little blue thing!

Haley Williams of Paramore

wore such a CUTE Miu Miu number

Ciara looked suuuper sexy in this Givenchy creation,

I just wish she had passed on the moon shoes.

And,

best of all,

was Florence of Florence and the Machine-

figure flattering,

gorgeous on her skin and hair,

beautifully constructed and just the perfect about of odd (zip up?)

oh, and

Snooki-

your dress belongs in a landfill,

but I WANT YOUR SHOES

k well,

I should go study

<3

Claire