The 'C' Word

People who know me intimately, I said intimately not biblically dirty minded heathens, know that I hate the 'C' word, and that word being Cilantro.

Dum

Dum

Dum!!!

Gross.

Perhaps its an allergy to cilantro that literally makes me gag when I taste it but regardless is does produce a vomitus reaction when I attempt to digest. Cilantro looks innocent enough all green and leafy looking at you with its doe eyes and pouty lips providing nutrients to the body like vitamins A, C, K, potassium and folate, but don't be deceived, inside lurks the taste of a pungent gym sock left out in the rain that kick punches your taste buds like a dojo master and makes your stomach content boil in preparation for a volcanic eruption of disapproval.  I hate everything about cilantro: the smell, the taste, its arrogant green vegetable appearance - why so smug you're a leaf! I firmly believe that the tip of the Devil's tail itself is made of cilantro and if you don't believe me take a look if you ever meet him; I met him once and he told me his favorite person on Glee was Cory Monteith.

The smell of cilantro alone is agonizing, I smelled it once while my brother was cooking and thought there had been a biochemical attack so I went to my room and duck-taped plastic to my door and windows. Little did I know that the smell was just cilantro being used as a garnish. Garnishes are bullshit. Whoever invented garnishes has met the Devil and has seen that tail. Garnishes are bull crap and a waste of money. Why is it necessary to add color to a dish or add an inedible flower or leaf to a dish.

All in all, in conclusion, in summation, cilantro is awful and ruins Mexican food such as salsa and anything it garnishes.

Down with Cilantro

Cilantro - So Smug