Popped My Cherry

Recently I popped my cherry in visiting the superstore Wegmans in New Jersey this past week. What an experience! 

Food: The food is amazingly diverse and looks mouthwatering. Unfortunately the gang and I arrived about an hour before closing so the marketplace with all of the cooked food and such was not open and I have not experienced that yet but as a virgin its nice to take it slow and try new things with each new experience. The gang includes the following members whose names were changed to protect their identities: Foey, Hulie, and Ramie.

Cheese: There is sooooo much cheese up in that piece its unreal. I have decided that is a life goal of mine to find a reason to buy a huge wheel or block of cheese. These hunks of cheese weigh about 20lbs and only God himself or Oprah know how much it actually cost to buy such a hoarderiffic quantity of cheese. Oprah obviously has cheese like this on tap - this is the woman who wheeled out approximately 67lbs of fat in a red wagon and then proceeded to eat it on stage I believe, my memory might have mixed some things up; her ass eats a lot of cheese clearly and who doesn't love some good cheese. 

Hummus: There is an entire hummus bar next to the olive bar - I hate olives, they are grotesque. Olives are the  testicles of the devil but still not as bad as cilantro. I don't normally like hummus but about a week ago I had some hummus that I loved primarily because it was spicy and my motto is "if its spciy, I likey" or "if its hot, why not". There were several types of hummus but I will probably have to invent my own blend to get a good spicy hummus that I would eat. Sometimes I envy black women who carry hot sauce in their purse because I don't have a place that I can store travel size hot sauce and that would come in handy on occasion. 

Entertainment: The store provides much entertainment and was taken advantage of when hula hoops were discovered. I was brought back to a euphoric stage of childhood where hips don't lie and the sound of the ice cream truck stops you dead in your tracks, oh wait, I still do that. So I tried the hula hoop first and was able to get it around a few times but after about 10-15 seconds it would plummet to the ground faster than Humpty Dumpty's frumpy ass. Hulie tried next with no success; the hula hoop slid down her body like a single mom working at Club Risqué to pay for medical assistant training with CHI Institute. Foey then wandered down the aisle viewing this spectacle. He was a hula savant and was able to hold his own when it came to the art of the hula hoop. Ramie did not partake in the hula experiment and therefore the results of the study are still in progress.

I would like to challenge Foey to a jump rope competition because I feel his skills may not translate in that arena and this is an area in which I excel. I have jumped rope with real live children of the ghetto while working at a health fair and those girls were impressed with the white boy skills I was bringing to the streets. My only regret is that I have lost my ability to double dutch, a skill I had an intermittent level of success with in elementary school.

me and the hula hoop