Spooning, Forking, Kniving? Oh My!

Everyone knows what spooning and forking are pretty much, right? I don't want to assume because you know what they say when you assume so here are some definitions of utensils and the relationship to the human condition provided by urbandictionary.com and myself!

Look at those innocent faces, those utensils
are up to no good though don't let them fool you!

Spooning: A horizontal hug where the friends/lovers lie back to chest, and fit into each others nooks like little spoons in a drawer.
"Did you hear? Apparently Robert spooned John in their sleep while they were on the ski trip!"

Forking: A sexual act in which a man enters a woman from behind. The woman lies down on her stomach with her legs spread (knee joints straight) and the man enters her with a straight body such that the “fork” that is formed consists of the woman’s legs on the sides and the man’s legs in between.
"Spooning leads to forking."

(alternate)

Sticking forks into someone's yard - usually forms words or pictures can be used to laugh at a friend or to piss off an enemy.

"We were bored last night, so we forked my ex-boyfriend"

Kniving: When two people sleep with each other, but they are back to back. Their backs are touching while they are sleeping. The term "kniving" derived from the terms "spooning" and "forking"

"Amber and Becca are kniving tonight because they feel it would be weird to spoon."


Sporking: Sporking is a phenomenon experienced only by the male of the species. Simply defined "spork" is the awkward boner that the male develops during non-sexual cuddling with a friend of the attractive sex. More specifically it is the time before the friend discovers said boner when the male has to move around a little bit to hide it.

"Dude, after everyone left the cuddle pile last night it was just me and Sally, and i was totally sporking!"


Ladeling: Spooning where the back person is grossly overweight and the front person is not.

"Hey Jennie, what's up with Margie ladling Steve at the company retreat?"

Shrimp Forking: (an original) "Forking" between a person of average height and a little person, or just two little people in general "forking". I would personally fork with Amy Roloff if someone put a gun to my head to make me decide a little person to "shrimp fork". I miss Little People Big World!

"I would totally shrimp fork Amy Roloff, that pediatrician little person scares me!"

Teaspooning: Just like spooning (with your partner) but rather than a parallel body on body it becomes more perpendicular with the male forming the cross with the female for easier sexual access.

"I cant seem to get into a comfortable position with spooning and sex, but if we form a T (teaspoon) its a whole lot easier...now we are teaspooning"

(my alternate) "Spooning" in the bed while eating tea and biscuits.

"We can't teaspoon anymore because John always leaves crumbs in the bed!"

Tablespooning: (an original) "Spooning" on a table pre or post 'activity'.

"Susan and Matt went to the ER after a tablespooning mishap!"

Spatulating: (1) a bitch so nasty you should hit her with a spatula. (2) doing something so dumb that it deserves getting hit with a spatula.

"That bitch that just walked by was one stank ho, she was definitely spatulating."

CLOSING NOTE: I'm sure I could think of many more utensils to make positional statements about but feel free to offer your own suggestions and post to pass on to everyone!!!

ALSO: If someone would like to fork someone's house someday I am game! Bucket List addition, yes!