Narcissistic Meanderings

I need to start writing. My brain is eating itself alive with festering thoughts of hatred, for myself, and annoyance for others. Part of me feels completely alone even though this is how I wanted it. I pushed them all away. Friends that make me wonder because they never pushed back, family that could care less. I have such memories of abandonment and yet I was never really alone. The pain is unbearable and all I wish is that it would reside long enough to help me overcome myself, my narcissistic meanderings. One encounter can ruin my day. It doesn't have to be negative to fill the structureless chaos that engulfs my mind. Just a thought, then manipulated. I need to beable to step outside of myself long enough to see I have it all and that the things that hurt me were never really mine to begin with. This baggage is far too heavy to keep traveling with me. Time will not wait, so why am I?